The elephant in the room

Well, it’s been an interesting week, that’s for sure. My blog has been noticeably quiet, and I think the time has arrived to address the reason so that I can move on.

I quit my job last Tuesday – the one I had for almost 21 years. It was an incredibly difficult decision, but I made my peace with it and did what I felt I had to do. What could have been a clean break was made a little complicated by the intrusiveness of one of my former coworkers, who decided to send the link to this blog to my employers. I’m relatively certain that I know who this individual is and I’m sure they smiled to my face as they stuck the knife in my back.

What followed was indecisiveness about how to proceed with this space; did I want to continue writing knowing that every word would be scrutinized by people who desired to use my thoughts as a tool against me or did I want to shut it down for good? After agonizing over it for a few days, I’ve decided that I will continue as before.

This site serves as my unlocked diary in many ways, and while my voice may get lost among the millions of other voices screaming to be heard, I am thankful for the availability of this technology and for the privilege of living in a country that values freedom of speech.

My life feels dramatically different and there are moments when I would like to awaken and find it’s all a dream, but I know that change is never easy. The saying “No pain, no gain” comes to mind. I’ve been depressed, I’ve second-guessed myself, and I’ve cried numerous times, but I trust that time will prove this step outside my comfort zone to be rewarding in unimaginable ways.

Que sera, sera.
Whatever will be, will be.
The future’s not ours to see.
Que sera, sera.

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Comments

moonbeammcqueen
Reply

Brian- this made me cry. I’m not crying because you left your job, in fact for the longest time I’ve wondered how you could stay at a place where so many of your co-workers seemed so petty and small-minded, when I know through your writings what an ethical, good-hearted, intelligent man you are. I guess I’m crying because one of your co-workers (whom is probably one of the ones writing bible verses on the dry erase board) did such a calculating, ignorant and vile thing to you.

Or maybe I’m crying because I’m happy for you. It’s seemed for a long time that you were moving toward bigger and better things, and it appeared that you may have realized this too. Ultimately, this is going to be such a great thing for you. Mark my words, you’re going to look back and wonder how you stayed there so long.

Congratulations! Your world has just expanded. Sending you hugs.

Feel free to edit this if you need to.

ohchicken
Reply

wow friend.

i am proud of you for leaving such familiarity, and i am SO sorry that a “good christian” would do such an assholish thing to you. i shake my head in disbelief.

but i am so very glad you are not allowing this intrusion to deter you from your voice. your space here is hallowed ground, and nothing can compromise that.

keep writing your heart.
you’ve got lots of compassionate eyes and ears out here.

Liz
Reply

Welcome back :)

JimT
Reply

Welcome back! You are a courageous man. Like MBMQ, a few tears for you, both sad and happy. Thank you for choosing to keep your diary unlocked. Your writings have influenced me to be a better person and a better pastor, and I am so grateful for your honesty and insights. God is at work in this situation and will bring about some good things– Hang in there!

Stephanie
Reply

Brian welcome back! It is so awful what your coworker decided was his place to do to you. It sounds like you are excited to get away from there, so congratulations and good luck in everything that you venture to do. I’m glad you decided to stick around, too. You truly are an inspiration.

fightingwindmills
Reply

Brian, you’re such a good influence on me. I love reading what you write and I feel a little self-conscious about Who-Could-Be-Reading-This, but ultimately I think you’ve made the right decision to keep writing and sharing who you are with others. It would be terrible to become silent after all that you’ve accomplished by provoking great discussions and opening people’s minds. :)

FreeFromItAll
Reply

**STANDING OVATION** When God closes a door, He opens a window. Does the fresh air feel good?

FreeFromItAll
Reply

P.S. It’s Super Tuesday *doing the happy dance*

alyson
Reply

Yay. I’m glad you’re back.

I remember reading a poem after Rebecca’s death about the elephant in the room that was about a parent losing a child. I always associate that saying with her death. It’s ironic that you used this title for a post written on the anniversary of her death.

Caroline
Reply

You know what I say about all this–I’m on your side. YOU GO, Brian!

Karen
Reply

Like many of your readers (uh, fans!), I’ve found myself wondering how you managed to be true to yourself while working where and with whom you did. I’m one of those folks who has a hard time with the “chin up” thing; you took the high road so many times and in so many ways. A lesser man would’ve cared about retaliation and grudges rather than wisdom and justice, which is what you have sought again and again.

Even if this feels surreal now, a bit of betwixt and between, you ARE on to bigger and better things. And you’re on a path that will enable the bright shining of your heart and the keen qualities of your mind to benefit the human family in new and wonderful ways. Look out world, Brian’s a’comin’!!! And all God’s people said–Amen!

Wendy
Reply

You’re such a good and brave person, you will get through this. I don’t mean to cheapen your pain by falling back on “to every thing there is a season” but truly there is, and it must be your season to move on. Like MBMQ I felt bad that your co-workers didn’t see what a beautiful soul you are, and betrayal is such a bitter thing to accept. I’m sure you’re going through an inner storm over this, but now it will start to get better, I’m sure. Look at all these good thoughts coming your way right now.

kee
Reply

I don’t know you that well. I stumbled upon your Ron Paul and Gay Rights discussion a couple of weeks ago and was hooked. I am happy you aren’t leaving, I think you are very inspiring. Thanks for sharing.

Brian
Reply

Thanks to everyone for your support, your well wishes, and your kind words. I am truly blessed.

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