Everything we learned from the ‘Duck Dynasty’ fiasco in one sentence

Noah Michelson, the editor for Huffington Post’s Gay Voices, summed up the brouhaha over Phil Robertson and A&E in one (extremely long) sentence.

You can say whatever you want, including that gay people are sinful and full of “murder, envy, strife, hatred” and are in the same league as those who enjoy being penetrated by barnyard animals and that black people were “happy” and were not “singing the blues” when Jim Crow laws ruled America, and as long as you later tack on “I love all of humanity” and I would “never incite or encourage hate” and throw around the word “tolerance,” and as long as there’s enough money and publicity swirling and more ready to be made, you will face absolutely no consequences and if anything you’ll be celebrated as a hero and lauded as an icon of freedom — some will even go so far as to call you the “Rosa Parks” of our generation — while the people you were talking about will still be vilified and will have to fight even harder against society’s belief that they are — even in the 21st century, even in a country that is not supposed to be ruled by religion or heartless, hateful zealots — at their very core all of those vile and (let it be said once and for all) patently untrue things that you said about them.

Ain’t that the truth!

Hypocrisy abounds over ‘Duck Dynasty’ star’s comments on gays

Earlier this year when Paula Deen admitted to using the “N” word thirty years ago, the public reacted in anger. Social media erupted with negative comments about her weight, her intelligence, and even the part of the country she is from. Virtually every single chain stopped carrying her merchandise. She lost her show on The Food Network. People were determined that she pay a huge price for her apparent racism.

Yesterday, after reading the remarks made to GQ magazine by Phil Robertson of “Duck Dynasty” fame, I wondered what price he would have to pay for comparing homosexuality to bestiality.

“Start with homosexual behavior and just morph out from there. Bestiality, sleeping around with this woman and that woman and that woman and those men. Don’t be deceived. Neither the adulterers, the idolaters, the male prostitutes, the homosexual offenders, the greedy, the drunkards, the slanderers, the swindlers—they won’t inherit the kingdom of God. Don’t deceive yourself. It’s not right.

It seems like, to me, a vagina—as a man—would be more desirable than a man’s anus. That’s just me. I’m just thinking: There’s more there! She’s got more to offer. I mean, come on, dudes! You know what I’m saying? But hey, sin: It’s not logical, my man. It’s just not logical.”

I was pleasantly surprised to learn this morning that he had been suspended by A&E, but I quickly realized he wouldn’t pay for his homophobic remarks in nearly the same way Deen had to pay for admitting her use of a racist word. People seemed to be downright celebratory.

Apparently, this man is viewed as a god to rednecks, right-wingers, Christians, and even members of the Tea Party. Sarah Palin released a statement supporting him and decrying the loss of freedom of speech. The governor of Louisiana even proclaimed his pride in the “Duck Dynasty” family. Since Robertson’s comment was steeped in biblical references, one has to wonder what has happened to the separation of church and state in this country.

As far as freedom of speech goes, most of the American public doesn’t seem to comprehend what that even means. Robertson exercised his freedom of speech when he made his comments to the reporter. Nothing prevented him from making those remarks, even if they were asinine. There is also nothing to prevent others from responding to those statements with disbelief or even jubilation.

My main grievance with this whole thing is how people who label themselves “Christian” are the first to get in line behind something hateful. Sure, some of them truly believe homosexuality is a sin and worthy of hell, but why would they celebrate a statement that talks about how much better a vagina is than an anus? It’s absurd. He could have worded his beliefs in a clear manner without stooping to descriptive references of anal intercourse.

Also, where in the Bible are Christians commanded to single out one sin over another? Nowhere that I can recall, but for some reason modern-day Christians like to pick on members of the gay community. How many of the other sins in the Bible are they ignoring in their pursuits – like fornication or adultery? How many couples do you know – Christian or not – who didn’t have sex before they were married?

We all grew up hearing “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me,” but I can’t help but wonder how many people are going to be mentally and even physically wounded by Robertson’s words. A quick look through social networks reveals a seething anger against members of the LGBT community, and one can only speculate whether those folks will put their words into action. I also wonder how many young people will commit suicide rather than reveal their true selves to parents who are sitting around the dinner table this week spewing hatred toward other human beings simply because of who they love.

On the plus side of things, we are at least talking about this. It is no longer okay for someone to slander the gay and lesbian community without getting at least some level of retribution. It may not be anywhere close to the price Paula Deen had to pay, but I don’t suppose we can expect people to care as much about homophobia as they do about racism.

Not yet.

Stop it!

My maternal grandmother suffered a stroke yesterday morning – just over 12 years since another stroke left her with short-term memory loss. She was transported to a local hospital and given a drug that will hopefully lessen the effects of the stroke, but so far things aren’t looking very good. She is having a hard time communicating (sometimes not at all), and the right side of her body has been affected.

Yesterday afternoon, after sitting in two different hospitals all day, my nerves were frazzled. I was also starving, since the call came early in the morning before I had a chance to eat anything. Several family members were gathered in the CCU waiting room, and to say there was a wide range of individuals would be an understatement. There were young and old, Pentecostal and Baptist, black and white, married and divorced, straight and gay, smokers and nonsmokers.

Although things are always a little awkward around my extended family because of the whole religion/gay thing, you can imagine my surprise when one of the women I thought was the least judgmental struck up the following conversation with me after a brief group discussion about Obama.

Her: I am very conservative.

Me: No! You are probably the least conservative person in this room.

Her: No, really. I am very conservative.

Me: What makes you conservative?

Her: I don’t believe in abortion.

Me: I consider myself to be pro-choice, but I would never have one if I were female. However, I believe a woman should have access to a safe abortion if she wants one.

Her: I also don’t agree with all the gay marriage stuff.

Me: Why?

Her: Because I think we need to follow God’s plan.

Me: Do you think people are born gay?

Her: Yes.

Me: Then why shouldn’t they be allowed to marry if God made them that way?

Her: We are all born into sin. There are many different sins, but the Bible says men will leave the natural use of a woman and turn to other men.

Me: But I didn’t do that. I wasn’t attracted to women before I was gay, so I didn’t leave women and turn to men.

Her: I know, but the Bible also says he will turn people over to a reprobate mind in the end times. Brian, I believe that if you would truly get saved, Jesus would change your mind.

Me: You actually think I would become attracted to women?

Her: I believe Jesus would change your mind.

And with that, I simply stopped talking. I also declined her invitation to join several of them for dinner.

Many years ago, Maya Angelou gave some excellent advice for people who feel like they are being attacked. She said people who cut you down are trying to “kill” you by tearing you apart bit by bit. She recommends that whenever you encounter a person trying to tear you down, you simply look at them and say “Stop it.” I think there could be great power in that, and I intend to start putting it to use.

Stop pretending

There is a story in the news almost every day about homophobia. People deny tips based solely on the assumption that the person serving them is gay. Homosexuals are beaten and killed in Russia and around the world. Protestors chant “God hates fags!” outside funeral services for members of our nation’s military.

Less news-worthy instances of homophobia affect me personally. After eight years together, there is still no legal recognition of my relationship. And after eight years, most of my family members still don’t acknowledge my partner. My immediate family, in many ways, is fractured.

What’s the common denominator? Religion.

I haven’t been to church in around nine months. While discussing that fact with a friend recently, I was finally able to verbalize my feelings on the matter. What it boils down to is that almost everything negative in my life is a result of religion.

Religion separates my family. Religious zealots threaten my safety and security. Religion makes my world a less welcoming place.

While I still believe in God, I have no desire to associate myself with a denomination. My church might preach equality for everyone, but the people driving by don’t automatically realize that. If I say, “I’m a Christian” or “I go to church,” I worry that many will assume I am just like the other bigots who go around bashing those who are different.

I don’t need religion to be moral. I don’t need church in order to go to heaven (if there is one.) What I need is for people who call themselves “Christian” to at least make an effort to live up to the name. Don’t pretend you love everyone when you are so clearly filled with hate.

‘Bridegroom’

Just watched Bridegroom on OWN, and I’m feeling a myriad of emotions. Heartbreak over the death of a talented and beautiful man in his prime and in love, anger over the way his partner of six years was treated after his passing, and an even deeper appreciation for my partner and our relationship.

I wish both of my parents would watch it. Even though we have afforded ourselves some legal protection with wills and powers of attorney, I still worry about what might happen if one of us dies. People who make an effort to accept a son or daughter’s spouse for the sake of family unity might not be so inclined once their child is no longer in the picture. I don’t want to consider that my partner could be scorned by my family upon the event of my death – during the very time he would be struggling through the grieving process. It is unimaginable.