Cat dilemma

There is a female stray cat outside that I’ve been feeding for several months. She is quite pretty – black with big green eyes. Her downfall is that she has never been fixed and is constantly getting pregnant. She had kittens last fall, but we didn’t see them until they were almost weaned. Only one survived and we fed him regularly until he disappeared a few weeks ago.

Momma Cat got pregnant a couple of months ago and had her kittens in an undisclosed location. A few of the neighbors reported seeing kittens following her around, but we never saw any of them. It would seem that these kittens suffered the same fate as the previous litter.

This evening, I looked out the back door to see her mating with a strange male cat in the neighbor’s yard. I know she needs to be fixed, but we would have to trap her in order to take her to the vet, and to be honest, I don’t want to spend that kind of money on a cat that I really don’t want in the first place.

The three cats that we have inside are enough to deal with. There is constantly something to do – like cleaning up cat vomit, scooping litter boxes, vacuuming up clumps of fur, and trying to keep them from doing things they aren’t supposed to be doing. It’s also expensive to have three pets, when one considers the costs of veterinarian visits, flea and tick medication, litter, and quality pet food.

The outside cat uses the bathroom in the yard and the gravel driveway (which means that we are constantly having to evade piles of smelly poop), she kills songbirds and leaves their half-eaten carcasses lying around the back patio, and she scares off our usual backyard inhabitants. We know she is to blame for this being the first year that bluebirds didn’t nest in the house we provided them.

Our vet has also warned us about the dangers of having outdoor cats in close proximity to our exclusively-indoor cats. He said that not only could fleas and ticks pass through the cracks around the back door, but that my indoor cats could actually catch deadly diseases from the cats outside.

So, now, I don’t know what to do. I know if we trap her and take her in for spaying that we will still have to care for her when she returns. I know if we take her to the animal shelter that her days will be numbered. I know that three indoor cats is more than enough and I don’t want an outdoor pet. I know that I have absolutely no idea what to do at this point.

Any suggestions?

The next step

Over a year ago, I wrote about my hesitancy at becoming a member of my church. My concerns were centered around two points: my lack of faith and wanting to join the church as a couple.

At the time I wrote the aforementioned entry, my partner and I were in entirely different frames of mind spiritually. While his faith was growing, mine seemed to be weakening, which caused the statement of faiths that one must make when joining the church seem like an insurmountable hurdle.

Over the last year, I’ve found my faith resurging. I wrote about one of my “aha!” moments a few months ago – one that has had a profound impact on my view of and belief in God. I followed that with a prayer, in which I explained the comfort that resulted from my renewed faith.

Regardless of the leaps that I seemed to be making on my spiritual journey, I still felt hesitancy when my pastor emailed to ask if we might be interested in becoming members later this month. I replied that I didn’t think I was ready at this time, mainly because of my lack of faith. Karen assured me that it would be impossible for anyone to join the church if they held themselves to such a high standard of belief. That made sense, so I decided to discuss the possibility with Honey when he got home from work that evening. I also prayed and told God that I wanted to make sure this was His will, because I didn’t want to do anything He didn’t want me to do.

When Honey arrived, I casually mentioned the pastor’s suggestion and was surprised when he voiced his approval. We agreed to tell no one until the following Sunday, which would provide us time to ponder our decision.

He picked up a hymnal from the church the next day so that we could read through the ceremony that would be performed if we joined. As I read questions pertaining to belief in God, Jesus Christ, and the Holy Spirit, I realized I could truthfully answer each of those questions with “I do.” Honey felt the same way. It struck me how similar this would be to a wedding ceremony.

I spent the rest of the week thinking about the importance of what we were going to do, and even emailed my “associate pastor” Jim to get someone else’s viewpoint. He, as always, knew exactly what to say to both encourage and enlighten me.

When Sunday rolled around, we pulled our pastor aside and informed her of our decision. She quickly assuaged any remaining concerns that we had and reassured us that we were ready.

Perhaps it is no coincidence that for the first time in the 3+ years that we’ve been attending our church, I do feel ready.

This little light of mine…

I posted the following poem almost three years ago, but it is definitely worth repeating.

A Return To Love
by Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously
Give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.