12 reasons gays shouldn’t be allowed to marry

This list uses sarcasm to show the ignorance of arguments against same-sex marriage. Please read it with a sense of humor. Just for the record, I am gay and support marriage equality for all.
  1. liberty_justice_gay_marriage

    Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

  2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
  3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets, because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
  4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn’t changed at all like many of the principles on which this great country was founded; women are still property, blacks can’t marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
  5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of unions like Britney Spears’ 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
  6. The only valid marriages are those which produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn’t be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren’t full yet and the world needs more children.
  7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
  8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That’s why we have only one religion in America.
  9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That’s why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
  10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society. We could never adapt to new social norms, just like we haven’t adapted to things like cars or longer life spans.
  11. Civil unions (providing most of the same benefits as marriage with a different name) are better, because a “separate but equal” institution is always constitutional. Separate schools for African-Americans worked just as well as separate marriages for gays and lesbians will.
  12. Gay marriage should be decided by people, not the courts, because the majority-elected legislatures, not courts, have historically protected the rights of the minorities.
This list uses sarcasm to show the ignorance of arguments against same-sex marriage. Please read it with a sense of humor. Just for the record, I am gay and support marriage equality for all.
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Comments

someone
Reply

@ Brian: no its not. Its that they cant follow what god has laid down before us

Big sis
Reply

The problem with society today is that gays have lied to themselves and others for so long that some people actually believe that its okay… Am I the only one who sees the problem?

someone
Reply

No I see it that way I just got confused on my last comment , I was reading some old posts and thought they were new

me
Reply

OH MY GOD. I CAN’T BELIEVE WHAT I JUST READ. I HAVE MANY GAY FRIENDS. AND I AM NOT INFLUENCED AT ALL. WOW. WHY CANT WE JUST ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHO THEY ARE. YOU ARE MAKING THEM FEEL ASHAMED AND ARE MAKING THEM SUICIDAL. THEY ARE PEOPLE TOO. SO SHOVE THE IGNORANCE UP YOUR ASS AND GET OVER YOURSELVES.

Brian
Reply

For the MILLIONTH time, this is sarcasm. Do people simply not read anymore?

Kate
Reply

Disgusting. Gay people are sexist and disgusting and should have no rights at all

Mike
Reply

I would like to hear how wanting equal rights for all is “sexist” but forcing people to only marry one particular sex is not. Doesn’t make any sense what so ever. You may disagree, but your opinion that gay marriages are “sexist” shows just how deep your ignorance lies.

David
Reply

Not all gay people are sexist. You wanna know what’s really discusting? Hateful people like you, Kate. Gay people are humans too and they deserve rights too. Prejudice and narrow minded people like you make me sick. You seriously need to talk to a therapist about your homophobia.

ali
Reply

I find it funny just how many people missed the bright yellow box at the beginning…

cufflink
Reply

@ Brian: Well done. Your list has taken on a life of its own and is being quoted elsewhere, which is how I discovered your blog. As for people not understanding irony, the fact that your disclaimer in the yellow boxes is even necessary illustrates the sad dumbing down of society that’s everywhere in evidence.

someone
Reply

all these commenters are so homophobic

someone
Reply

by the way this is a different someone I don’t want to cop all the stuff from homophobic people

fadedtoblack
Reply

What about if a person is born intersex? Both male and female reproductive organs. What if a true hermaphrodite identified themselves as a male and was sexually attracted to females? Would the church deny them marriage just because the person just so happened to be born with both genitals?

benevolentHellion
Reply

Please stop trying to write satire, you are so bad at it.

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